Why does dating seem like a thing that drifts off of your calendar after you get married and especially after you start welcoming children into your home? Your schedule gets filled up with work schedules, appointments, school activities, sporting events, ministry responsibilities and the list goes on. But often those date nights aren’t scheduled in.
When children enter your life…and keep entering your life… it is so easy to focus most of your energy and time on them. If you have gotten into this kind of groove with not scheduling those date nights with your spouse in, you might feel that disconnect happening. When you and your spouse start disconnecting for the sake of a busy calendar, the enemy is oh so ready to start attacking.
My husband, Tim, and I, as parents of five children, know very well that feeling of disconnect that comes when we don’t intentionally make time for dating. We become more irritable, stress creeps in, we seem less happy and are more likely to take those things out on each other and our children.
Since we have five children, live pretty far from family, navigate through health issues, are a one income family and definitely have a packed calendar, we have had to become creative in how we date each other. I wanted to share some of the ways we have intentionally scheduled dating into our calendar and maybe you can use some of the ideas with you and your spouse.
Ways to Date
Overnight Getaways
Tim and I really try to do an overnight (or two night) getaway at least once a year. Just the two of us, lots of food, reading, and connecting without the business around us. Our favorite places to go are The Glasbern Inn in Fogelsville, PA (Lancaster area) and we have enjoyed a stay at The French Manor in the Poconos.
Turbo Dates
We made up Turbo Dates on Thursdays for a season of our lives when I was pregnant with our last son. Our oldest would go to his youth group at 6:00 on Thursday nights. We would then work on getting our three middles ready for and off to bed between 7:00 and 7:30 and so that left us a short, but intentional time, until we had to pick our oldest up at 8:30 to spend together. We often used that time to read a book together but sometimes we just used that time to watch a show and cuddle up on the couch.
Alphabetical Dating
So we started this journey right before the pandemic hit so we haven’t executed this as well as we have hoped and we haven’t completed the journey yet, but we haven’t given up on it! The idea of Alphabetical Dating is that you go through each letter and theme your dates according to the letter that you are on. Some examples that we have done are A- we did an Appetizer Tour (went to three different restaurants and had an appetizer at each, did Axe Throwing and went to a local restaurant called American Grill), C- we went to a place called Concrete City (an abandoned town that graffiti artists go to paint) and had Chinese with chopsticks, F- we went to a restaurant called Fire and Ice with friends in February and ate in an igloo and had filet Mignon. You can be as adventurous as you would like and as elaborate as you would like. These could be day or night dates, they could be single event dates or multiple. Tim and I take turns with who decides and plans the date so I started with A and do every other date and Tim chose B and does every other from there. We were trying to do Alphabetical Dating once a month but that clearly hasn’t happened, but we allow ourselves grace and we have done other kinds of dating in between and we are still journeying through Alphabetical Dating. Have fun with this one and try things that you haven’t tried before or normally wouldn’t do!
Stay Dates
I totally just made that up! BUT have you ever heard of Staycation?! Same idea! Instead of staying home bound for a vacation, we stay home bound for dates! This really came about during quarantine. We mostly did this when the kids went to bed. I would make “fancy” treats for us and special drinks. We would gather outside in our yard, screened porch or in our living room if the weather didn’t allow. We would read, play board games, listen to music, talk and just enjoy each other’s company. A few times we would date while the kids were awake either during breakfast time or dinner time and we would serve the kids their meal at the dining room table and we would eat our meal (table for two style) in the kitchen.
Here-and-there dates
Tim is a pastor at our church and we are so thankful that his job is very flexible and our church is literally two minutes from our house. We have had many lunch dates together even on his work days. We have hired teen babysitters, had friends and now we are in a more convenient season of life with having a fifteen year old watch the younger kids so we can go out on dinner dates. Another thing we did a couple of times was going to Funk and Flatbread Nights that a local mercantile hosted every other Thursday. We even consider meetings that we attend together, shopping, grabbing coffee, and doing other errands just the two of us as dating time. We grab every opportunity that we can be together reconnecting (without our children) as valuable time that we need to be intentional about making the best of.
Make it happen
Now that you have ideas of how dating your spouse can look, which ideas will you try out on your own and modify to your interests? Tim and I love food so most of our dates involve food but you might enjoy museum visits, going to the movies, a book signing, comedy show, bowling, sip and paint, skydiving, or just going for a drive. Be intentional about dating your spouse, mark those moments on your calendar so you remember they are important and make it happen! Date your spouse!
Wife (mom or not), you are capable!
